My life hasn’t been long, but it has taught me many things. From people I considered friends, I learned how to doubt myself and that my opinions didn’t matter. From my loved ones, I learned there were times I would never be enough. From previous partners, I learned that I was an inconvenience. But by far, the most important thing I learned and what took me the longest to believe is that I shouldn’t be sorry for being who I am. God’s love and grace have taught me this truth: that I am enough. I feel this is a lesson that everyone should learn about themselves.
God has done a lot of work in my life to get me to the point I am now. I went through a lot of self-torment and mental abuse to realize these things, but it is something I wish I had known from the beginning. I feel I would have been able to know myself a lot sooner if I accepted who I was. But to be honest, during those times, I hated myself. To the very core of my being, I believed I was worthless. I didn’t know where I stood in life; I lost who I thought I wanted to be. I made plenty of irreversible mistakes and decisions while feeling that way.
There were still moments I enjoyed and things I liked, yet there was no purpose or passion. I was trying to get through the motions because everyone else was. If this made them happy, then it would make me happy. If they act this way, then I should act accordingly. And the worst, if this is what they believe, then I can’t be upfront about what I believe.
Honestly, at the time, I don’t think I believed in God. I was always so wishy-washy about my faith. I had no basis or standing for it, so He lived in the very back of my head. It wasn’t until I truly accepted and started to know Him years later that I realized I was the one who turned my back on Him and not the other way around. It was through gaining the knowledge of His love and understanding of me that I started loving and accepting myself as I was.
God taught me that no matter what, His love is enough. He taught me that I don’t have to settle, that I can like what I like, and that as long as it was for good, I should pursue what I wanted. Honestly, I didn’t receive all the answers right away, and there are still many that I am waiting to receive, but I was given peace in my heart that I didn’t have before. It was in that peace and self-reflection that my walls started to break down, and the hurt began to heal.
I love the Lord, and His love is enough for me. He has made me into the person I am, and He accepts me, flaws and all. He doesn’t mind that I am messy or a little clumsy or that I wear colorful pants or that I can be a little temperamental. He doesn’t ask me to be perfect but He encourages me to be and do better. He tells me to love and accept myself and that I am worthy of love. He lets me know that despite all my flaws, before Him, I am enough. I will never again conform to anyone’s standards aside from His because I know He always has my best interests at heart. More than anyone else, it’s God’s love that I need because it is His love that will last forever. It is His love that will be what truly sustains me throughout every season of my life.
So let me tell you right now, as you are, while you are standing with the Father, you are loved. No matter how bruised or broken you are, don’t be afraid to stand before the Lord. God will accept you as you are and He will fill you with His love and heal your hurt. You don’t have to be perfect; He will never ask you to be. So come before Him as you are. Listen to Him as He says with His still small voice, “You are enough.” You are enough to be happy, you are enough to be wanted, and you are enough to allow yourself to feel valued. You are enough to deserve love.